grinch

I am the grinch.. I dont like christmas this year.. its stupid and I dont want to do it... I dont want to go to see my family.. I want to go to cali.. I want people to understand that I am just me and that I cant spend a whole lot of money on presents, and that I just want to be done and over with the season.. call me scrooge!

change

sometimes you just want a change... right now thats how I feel.. I might be losing my job soon.. maybe a move is in my near future.. Ill get a crap job waitressing since it seems to be the only good thing I am good at any more.. that or Ill marry some rich guy to take care of me.. why cant life just be easy? why am I a wandering spirit? why cant I just stay in one place?

I have freinds

get over it! yes some are girls, some are guys.. some are straight some are gay! I dont care, we are just friends.. nothing more.. I care bout you.. I dont care who thinks we shouldnt be friends.. I will be your friend! those who think I shouldnt, I dont give a flying duck!

deceitfulness

why do people betray the ones they care about? every one is full of deceit, lies, and cons. If you want to talk to me dont lie, dont be deceitful, and dont try to con your way out of the situation you put your self in.. This goes for guys, girls, friends, and family. I am going to tell you how it is, if you dont like it, walk away, please extend the same courtesy to me. I am a good person, and you can be too...

being sick

I so hate being sick!! I hate the way I feel, the food I eat, and the way I sleep... Have you ever noticed that comforting foods are so not good for you? when I am sick, I dont want chicken soup.. I want some bread, cheese, fattening things.. I get lazy, and dont work out like I should.. I had strep 2 weeks ago, and now a sinus infection... I think I have gained some weight this week... better get my butt into gear this next week to lose it... and need to go to the store and get me some more healthy food..

cali

I get to go to cali!! I am so excited! I leave in less then 24 hours! I will get to see friends!! I dont want to do the other stuff... but if that is what I have to do to make it to cali Ill deal with it... I just hope its all over and done with quickly and hassle free! wish I was going for longer, wish I could see more friends.. oh well Ill get to see the important people..

wishing

I wish I was rich, non single, had my life together, and things were not complicated. I wish I could see what was to come in the future for me, so I could just know that all of this is going to be worth the crap I am going thru now... I wish I had a job I like to do, better yet one I just made enough money to live off of. I wish I was close to my best friend and I could just see her all the time.. I wish I didnt have the choices I have now. I wish it were simple, I wish it were different, I wish it wasnt me..

bored

I am bored with things the way they are going.. I feel like I need a change.. I get this way every 6 months or so and I up and move across the country when I can. I dont want to move this time, so that is good news for my family.. I am happy I get to see my family every few days, and I am glad Ill be able to be with them for the holidays coming up.. so why am I so anxious for something to happen? Is it that I need to find me a guy? a new job? I dont know but something has to happen.. and soon

this life sucks

why is it that we can never had the ones we want, dont want the ones we have, and need the ones that are gone? I want some one, and I cant have him.. I have so much on my mind about the situation right now, and why couldnt things just be different? things will never be right for me, I will never find love again. I just want to change the way it all happened.

emotions

Why do we let emotions get to us? I have something very important happening in a month, and it could change the course of my future quite a bit. I am nervous about how it is going to turn out, I am scared it wont end the way it needs to, I am worried it will just be dragged on and on,  I am frightened it will go the wrong way and I could end up just EFed,  I am excited because it is taking me to cali for 2-3 days so I will get to see some friends for a bit. I am upset it may make it so I dont end up in CO for xmas with my family. I am happy if it ends up being done and over with!! its a lot of emotions to deal with, and I am just trying to figure out which one I am feeling the most of.. I think the excitement of going to cali, and getting to see 2 important people!

wine.. oh how I love thee

Drinking wine is fun. I came home from a horrible night at work, and I busted out the bottle of wine I had in my fridge. It aided me in getting rid of the headache that had come on at work. I had a wonderful evening hanging out with the neighbors, who were laughing at me cause of how much the wine affected me. (neighbor is younger and she drinks often so can handle it more then me.) I slept fine last night, but woke up early this morning not able to sleep any more, and now I have a wine hang over which let me tell you is worse then a beer or hard liquor hang over.. the head ache is worse, and so is the upset tummy.. I cant wait to bust open another bottle of wine next weekend!!

plateau

So I have plateaued on my diet.. so this week is going to be hard core no carbs diet!! I went to the store and bought cucumbers and tomatoes and some meats and veggies... I am only 20 lbs at from my goal weight!! I am very excited and cant wait to at least get 5 more lbs off so I can do some new clothes shopping but I wont do it til I lose the weight so I dont have to buy more again.. My goal size is 7/9 2 to 3 sizes.. its gonna be a hard week, then gonna slowly bring some healthy carbs back in. I am going to use the wii active, and start swimming laps.. hopefully in 10 weeks Ill be at my goal weight!!

good experience

So I am going to be made an office person at work.. the job I was going to quit but they told me they cant lose me so they will promote me! I am very excited to have this experience (its kinda like a manager position) so I can put it on my resume!! I have never had an official tittle of anything I have always just done the job with out the tittle or pay. (and yes it means a raise too!) I am very excited this all is going to be happening in the next 2 weeks! now I need to go buy some fancy shirts and new pants that fit me!!

music!!

I love music! of all kinds! and tonight I get to put 18 CDs that I love so much onto my Computer!! I cant wait til I have all 5000 songs back onto my computer! (thank you Daniel) I am excited to be about to update my ipod again and listen to all the things I have miss oh so much! I also have bought a few things myself that I am excited will be able to be put onto my ipod soon too!! Music is just so relaxing and nice or it can be the angry music that makes you feel like the world just sucks but you feel good listening to it! There is just so many different songs out there I love them all and can all set a new mood!

missing

I am tired.. but I havent been able to sleep well lately.. I think I miss sleeping next to him.. I have been missing him alot these last few weeks. I dont think anyone will ever compare.. He wasnt perfect at all, just perfect for me.. did we have our problems sure... do I think we could have worked them out.. maybe.. more so now that we have grown up some.. do I think we would be together if I was there? yes.. I want some one that knows about music and guns. and keeps me updated on the news cause I never watch it.. and will kill bugs for me even if he laughs at me while he does it (or complains that he has to do it) and some one that when I ask him to fix something can do it, and will.. I want him.. the man he is now.. The wonderful sweet (tho he wont admit it) man that I love. take me in your arms hold me tight and dont ever let me go!

I met a guy..

Well I took a chance, and I went to meet a guy from online.. He is nice, a little too nice.. He is already blowing up my phone!! we met yesterday!! I had a good time.. We went to eat, and watched a movie, and we did kiss at the end of the night (yes that is all just kissed). He told me he would miss me (WHAT YOU DONT KNOW ME?) and then I had a message this morning before work, and then mid work.. and now he wants to talk to me.. I dont have cell service at home, and no home phone yet so he wants to FB me... and I am sorry but I dont just friend anyone on fb.. so that is that.. I dont know if I want to see him again or not.. He wants to hang out after work on wed.. I guess thats not too obsessive, its like 3 days later.. I dont know I just am not used to a guy wanting to see me unless its just for sex, which may be his goal..

all alone.

So now that I live alone, I am lonely.. but I have been able to eat some what better, and I have to walk up and down stairs to get home.. I thought I would work out more, but I dont have time.. I am working 7 days a week, and am still working on getting the apt all set up and boxes put away, which is not easy when you have no where to put them.. I have been feeling very alone lately... I was hanging out with a girl from work, but not so much now, we just work different days and its hard.. I have no place to go to meet people, and if I did, when would I have the time? I miss Cali, there are lots of people in cali to meet.. I miss hanging out with my bff.. I just want to figure out my life..

My life uncomplicating..

Well, I am in my apt, and I think that my life will start to become alot less complicated.. I can do my own thing anytime I want, have people over if I want. I can clean it if I want, or not.. I can leave my undies laying around all over the place!! I can cook if I want or just eat a bowl of cereal!! I will still get to see Landen twice a week, Ill be baby sitting him 2 times a week for 2 months :) We will go swimming and play and watch movies and have a great time!! I am super excited!! Had to spend $200 at wal-mart today on crap to cook and eat on.. I like having my own place but its expensive!!

life...

I am finally moving into an apt, its small but clean.. I think I am going to quit the second job anyway, the 3-5 hours a week is not worth the money, the gas to drive into town cost more. I am lonely and miss people in cali!! I am glad I have made a friend here, it makes it a little better.. I wish I could meet a guy, but I kinda am glad I havent.... I dont need the drama.. so all in all I am alive, and content in my life..

never

Nothing ever goes right for me!!! I didnt get the apt, I am still living with me sister. I am not getting full time at work, and I am not going to be able to quit the 2nd job... I just need to quit both and become the flight attendant like I wanted to..

sadness..

first of all sorry its been a while... I didnt move into my apt.. as it was roach infested.. I am looking for a new place now.. I am done with the spring semester, summer time is here!!! My mom is coming out to visit us in 2 weeks, for 2 weeks, its going to be long 2 weeks of doing alot of activities and trying to fit things in between working 2 jobs. I am losing alot of weight down almost 15lbs (thank you weight watchers)...

from nothing..

So I move into my new in 2 days.. I have to first go in and clean it to my standards cause we all know that the landlord is not going to do a great job of cleaning it. I am going to steam clean the couches and have to do some scrubbing of the floors, and the bathroom!! thats gonna be a chore!! I am starting from scratch, I have nothing.. well I just bought some stuff yesterday!! I bought some pots and pans, some plates and forks and some other small stuff... I went with pink and orange! I want to go bright!! everything in there right now is brown and brown is ugly so I need colors!! if you want to send me something for my new place that would be great :) I need it all!!

a little nervous

Well, I have never actually lived alone.. I am trying to get an apt and I have never done that alone. I have always had a roommate, lived with a bf or lived with family.. so I will be venturing out, getting my very own place and going to do things my own way!! decorate how I want to decorate, clean the way I want, when I want or dont if I dont want! I am going to be able to sleep in, or stay up all night, have a friend over if I want and not have to worry about who will be there cause Ill know that NOONE will be there but me!! I just got the call!! gonna go sign some papers!!!

not enough time

Well I just decided there is never enough time!! I am working 2 jobs, taking 2 classes, watching my nephew, and taking him to daycare when needed!! I just dont have enough time to do it all! My classed end in june, so I have just about 6 weeks left of that. I am needing more hours at work but just dont have the time to take them.. AAAAAAAAAAAAA some one do some of my home work for me!!

one week in..

I am a week into my diet, and so far I have done great, havent gone back for seconds, and weighed every lil thing I eat, but done good. I did have one slip where I forgot I was on a diet and ate 4 pieces of starburst candy.. do you know, they were only 2 points for the 4 of them.. not too bad. I am eating a McDonalds (I know thats bad!) fruit and maple oatmeal.. probably alot of points since there is alot of sugar in it!! I will keep you updated on the weight loss..

earthquakes or tornados?

Well last night we had tornado warnings, and it did sound like the house was going to come down.. I was very scared, couldnt sleep!! I grow up in cali, I am used to earthquakes!! I know what to do in one.. I know how to survive!! in a tornado, there is no knowing how to survive, its all chance, which way is the tornado going to hit? I have heard your supposed to get in the basement, but what if you dont have one!!! I live in a trailer, that means no basement!! not to mention, no power for hours after, that means no shower, hair or make up!! so yes to say the least, I was scared, but who wouldnt be? oh yea my bro-in-law who was laughing at me!!

2 jobs again

I am very excited I now have 2 jobs, I havent started the second one yet, as I am waiting for the drug test results, and they do a very extensive testing, all medications you might be taking that you shouldnt be.. I had to write down any meds I had taking in a month.. I am going to be a pharmacy tech!! maybe Ill go to school for it, and then make more money doing it. we'll see how much I like it. I still dont know what I want to do with my self any more now that I cant massage. I wish I was rich so I could open that bakery and not have to worry bout money.. maybe some day (or after Sandy buys enough lemon cookies to support me)

technology is great!!

NOT!! its really getting on my nerves that I had to buy a new computer, have to put all my music back into a new itunes (6000+ songs) and now its not reading the artists and song names so I have to put them in manually, that is way too time consuming!! why cant they just make things easy on me!! I am getting tired of this already, and have only done like 70 songs!! I bought an apple so that it was all the same. I have a apple computer, ipod and phone, why cant they all just work together!!

I did something nice

I decided, after my last post to do something nice.. I am "sponsoring" a soldier over sea's. I went online and found a name on Anysoldier.com and got his address and found out what he wanted, went to wal-mart, bought deodorant, body wash, snacks and some other things and mailed it to him. I sent him a 8-10-12 box full of things, the items itself only cost me 30 dollars to buy and 12 dollars to ship. I wrote him a letter telling him how much I appriciate all that he does for this country. I will contiure to send him items until he is out of harms way in the country he is in, until oct. 2011 and then I will find some one else to help. Some of the people on this site dont have familys that keep in contact with them, to send them things other people get, including just a letter saying Hi!

I did this, but you dont have to, I did it cause I am greatfull of all the military does to protect us.

everyone does it... or do they?

I have seen sooooo many post recently saying "I will post this for at least an hour will you?" I dont think that posting that all the disasters happen on the 11th will make them stop happening, I dont think that if you post that you love God, that will get you into heaven, I dont think that if you post about the military men and women coming home they will... I think that if you want to help people after the disaster happens donate some money, that if you believe in God pray, and if you want to help our military men and women, write them a letter or send them a care package!! thats my quick rant!!

life with Mac

Today I received my new Mac!! it is great!! I have spent the last few hours on it, Skyping with Meg. She showed me around, tought me all the cool things I can do on it. I love it! AAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD Meg is going to get me a purple case for it for my bday!! soooooo excited!!

going crazy!!

So I am going crazy, out of boredom, I need a job!! The class I am taking is helping, and watching my nephew is great, but I need something to do, like every day!! I need a job. I have a possible job interview on wednesday, that is if they send me the email giving me the info to go.. I dont care what kind of job it is at this point just want something to do. (but I wont do fast food!!)

school, complicated

Why do things have to be so complicated. I am in school, so I have to buy a text book, and some access code to get onto the site to do the work.. I go to the book store order both of them, the access code is out of stock!! so I get the book in the mail, and guess what it has a code that came with it bundled together. great, go online to put the code it, its not the right code have to buy the one that was out of stock now for 20 instead of 7 bucks. The teacher is trying to help me but just making everything more confusing!! I just want to learn about art!!

Valentines day

Today is February 14th. I have had the same "Valentine" for the last 7 years, until now. This is the first year I have been alone in a long time and I must say, it feels good. I had been with the same person for so long I forgot who I was, maybe I never knew. I have been learning things about me in the last 6 months I never knew in the 27 years I have been alive. I have learned I like my self, and I like being alone. I think its a new thing for me, single forever, maybe I dont really want kids, I think I wanted them so bad just to fill a void in my life.. now that the void is gone.. no kids, nothing but me doing anything I want, and today I want some chocolate..

not eating out

Everyone keeps reminding me that I dont have fast food anymore!! well not the good ones. I want some in and out, or really good chinese food, anything! but I am not eating out, have not ate out except twice since I have moved, burger king, and subway. I have eaten good food at home, and maybe that will help me lose weight!! I want to start working out (yes please hold me accountable) and hopefully when summer comes I will sweat the rest of the weight off!!

grocery store next get me some good food for dinner!!

sitting in McDonalds

I am sitting here in McDonalds, as I will be doing probably 3-4 times a week(not eating anything!!). I am looking for a job right now.. I have applied at a few places, not enough though. my next stop is wal-mart (really the only store we have around here) to get a few things needed. I had a good first few days, and its time to buckle down and find a job. I am trying to contact people that have money for me, but they always make it so difficult dont they!! I have no money, but the possibility to have a lot all at once if they dont hurry and send me all my money or the paper I need to get it like my w-2s. well I better get back to applying for jobs..

I am blogging while on my way to GA!! I can't believe the day came for me to go! My besty Myk is with me. We have made it to phenix AZ! Stopped to eat and back on road! It's been a great day!

Its begining

So I am leaving in less then 48 hours.. I am driving to Burbank airport to pick up a friend that is flying in to drive with me, then flying back to denver.. what a great friend he is, and glad to have someone going with me. So he flies in on sunday at 11, and straight from there we are hopping on the 10 and going across the country!! I have to pack a few more boxes to be mailed tomor since looking at all I have left, I dont have room for it all!! (well I would if friend wasnt coming but he is more important) so as I am closing out my time in cali, I will miss it, but glad to be going on to a new adventure, close to my family. I will be getting to GA on tues or wed!

its decided..

The decision has been made....

I was able to go to my uncles this weekend and take him back his bed he had lent me a year ago. I was nice spending some time with him. Friday was a very rough day for me so I deffenitly enjoyed not having to worry about anything while my visit. He even bought me a new shirt and pants!! I am now sleeping on the floor, at least on work nights, couch when I dont have to get up early. I have 5 days of work until my last day!! then lots of packing (I did do 2 boxes tonight) and getting stuff done on my car. just a few weeks left until I venture out to GA. I have a good friend that might go with me too!!

a lot on my mind

So I have spent the last 24 hours thinking things over, I have a huge decision to make, and soon. I spent the last 24 hours being stressed, not talking (this is not normal for me). I spent the last 24 hours not being a great friend, not being my self, and not doing things I need to be doing. The decision that needs to be made, will change a lot of things in my life. could change my move date, could tare me down, or build me up. The stress could break me, or make me strong.



tonight, drinking!!

winning the lotto!!

I won the lotto tonight!! yes, thats right I won!! how much you ask? does it matter? I have only played a few times in my life, and this is the first time I have ever won.. no it wasnt a lot, and I think its just practice for next time when I win it all.. what am I going to do with my winnings? will I have quite a few people who want part of it, so Ill share.. lets brake it down, I have bff gets the first part, sister (oh and some for my nephews college fund), mom, few friends(lets say 5) , think thats it so we have to split it between 10 people.. thats 10 cents each!! we are doing great!! lets think bout what we will buy with it now.. I think I gonna put my part in the bank.. what will you do with your 10 cents?