emotions

Why do we let emotions get to us? I have something very important happening in a month, and it could change the course of my future quite a bit. I am nervous about how it is going to turn out, I am scared it wont end the way it needs to, I am worried it will just be dragged on and on,  I am frightened it will go the wrong way and I could end up just EFed,  I am excited because it is taking me to cali for 2-3 days so I will get to see some friends for a bit. I am upset it may make it so I dont end up in CO for xmas with my family. I am happy if it ends up being done and over with!! its a lot of emotions to deal with, and I am just trying to figure out which one I am feeling the most of.. I think the excitement of going to cali, and getting to see 2 important people!

wine.. oh how I love thee

Drinking wine is fun. I came home from a horrible night at work, and I busted out the bottle of wine I had in my fridge. It aided me in getting rid of the headache that had come on at work. I had a wonderful evening hanging out with the neighbors, who were laughing at me cause of how much the wine affected me. (neighbor is younger and she drinks often so can handle it more then me.) I slept fine last night, but woke up early this morning not able to sleep any more, and now I have a wine hang over which let me tell you is worse then a beer or hard liquor hang over.. the head ache is worse, and so is the upset tummy.. I cant wait to bust open another bottle of wine next weekend!!

plateau

So I have plateaued on my diet.. so this week is going to be hard core no carbs diet!! I went to the store and bought cucumbers and tomatoes and some meats and veggies... I am only 20 lbs at from my goal weight!! I am very excited and cant wait to at least get 5 more lbs off so I can do some new clothes shopping but I wont do it til I lose the weight so I dont have to buy more again.. My goal size is 7/9 2 to 3 sizes.. its gonna be a hard week, then gonna slowly bring some healthy carbs back in. I am going to use the wii active, and start swimming laps.. hopefully in 10 weeks Ill be at my goal weight!!

good experience

So I am going to be made an office person at work.. the job I was going to quit but they told me they cant lose me so they will promote me! I am very excited to have this experience (its kinda like a manager position) so I can put it on my resume!! I have never had an official tittle of anything I have always just done the job with out the tittle or pay. (and yes it means a raise too!) I am very excited this all is going to be happening in the next 2 weeks! now I need to go buy some fancy shirts and new pants that fit me!!

music!!

I love music! of all kinds! and tonight I get to put 18 CDs that I love so much onto my Computer!! I cant wait til I have all 5000 songs back onto my computer! (thank you Daniel) I am excited to be about to update my ipod again and listen to all the things I have miss oh so much! I also have bought a few things myself that I am excited will be able to be put onto my ipod soon too!! Music is just so relaxing and nice or it can be the angry music that makes you feel like the world just sucks but you feel good listening to it! There is just so many different songs out there I love them all and can all set a new mood!

missing

I am tired.. but I havent been able to sleep well lately.. I think I miss sleeping next to him.. I have been missing him alot these last few weeks. I dont think anyone will ever compare.. He wasnt perfect at all, just perfect for me.. did we have our problems sure... do I think we could have worked them out.. maybe.. more so now that we have grown up some.. do I think we would be together if I was there? yes.. I want some one that knows about music and guns. and keeps me updated on the news cause I never watch it.. and will kill bugs for me even if he laughs at me while he does it (or complains that he has to do it) and some one that when I ask him to fix something can do it, and will.. I want him.. the man he is now.. The wonderful sweet (tho he wont admit it) man that I love. take me in your arms hold me tight and dont ever let me go!

I met a guy..

Well I took a chance, and I went to meet a guy from online.. He is nice, a little too nice.. He is already blowing up my phone!! we met yesterday!! I had a good time.. We went to eat, and watched a movie, and we did kiss at the end of the night (yes that is all just kissed). He told me he would miss me (WHAT YOU DONT KNOW ME?) and then I had a message this morning before work, and then mid work.. and now he wants to talk to me.. I dont have cell service at home, and no home phone yet so he wants to FB me... and I am sorry but I dont just friend anyone on fb.. so that is that.. I dont know if I want to see him again or not.. He wants to hang out after work on wed.. I guess thats not too obsessive, its like 3 days later.. I dont know I just am not used to a guy wanting to see me unless its just for sex, which may be his goal..

all alone.

So now that I live alone, I am lonely.. but I have been able to eat some what better, and I have to walk up and down stairs to get home.. I thought I would work out more, but I dont have time.. I am working 7 days a week, and am still working on getting the apt all set up and boxes put away, which is not easy when you have no where to put them.. I have been feeling very alone lately... I was hanging out with a girl from work, but not so much now, we just work different days and its hard.. I have no place to go to meet people, and if I did, when would I have the time? I miss Cali, there are lots of people in cali to meet.. I miss hanging out with my bff.. I just want to figure out my life..